


All I need for Christmas...

by divingdeepintothewater



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Canon Trans Character, Christmas, Established Relationship, Friendship, Hans is Matteo's Guru, Hints at David's childhood, M/M, Talk about church and Christmas traditions, Talk about mental health
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:40:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21736966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/divingdeepintothewater/pseuds/divingdeepintothewater
Summary: It’s Matteo’s first christmas after he moved out and came to terms with his sexuality. When he came out he thought it would be best to cut all string with the church but now since his relationship to his mom gets better again he misses his childhood christmas traditions. He talks with Hans and David about his feelings.Written for the Druck Advent Calender 2019 on Tumblr
Relationships: Matteo Florenzi/David (Druck)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30





	All I need for Christmas...

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: This fic got a bit heavier than I expected it to be. It contains talk about Matteo's internalized homophobia and his relationship to the church. If you don't feel comfortable with these topics please don't read it. I don't have a religious family. It is loosely based on the experiences of a friend but please tell me if I got something completely wrong.

When he was a child, christmas was Matteo's favourite seasons of the year. It was a part of the year filled with family time, delicious homemade christmas cookies and cozyness. This however changed when he was around ten years old. Around this time his mom's mental health worsened. It wasn't as prominent at first but year by year all the things he loved about christmas disappeared. At first his mom was too tired to to make her delicious christmas cookies and famous gingerbread cottages which Matteo was always allowed to decorate as he liked. He not only missed the delicious smell and taste of these sweets but also having this tradition with his mom. And as the years came the other stuff also disappeared. When relationship between his parents worsened, the family time got reduced to a bare minimum. The last years there was barely any christmas decoration around the house and Matteo rather spend the holidays at Jonas' place. Soon the christmas became just one of many holidays.

Since he moved out and came to terms with his sexuality, his relationship with his mom had gotten better again. In contrary to the one with his father which was pretty much non-existent at this point except for the monthly money transfer for his rent. But even though the relationship with his mom had gotten better over the last few months, there were still a lot of things they would need to figure out. Matteo knew that his mom was depressed and he knew how it felt when your thoughts spiralled inside your head or when your body feels too heavy get up. He knew how sorry his mom was for not being better and for not being there more. But some of the scars his fucked up childhood left on his soul were not as easy to forgive. Some wounds need time to heal. This is why Matteo still didn't hope for a merry christmas this year.

The more he was surprised finding Hans in the middle of November decorating the whole flat with fir tree branches, fairy lights and christmas ornaments. Matteo stood in the door frame watching him for some time before speaking up.  
"What are you doing Hans?"  
"What do you think? I am decorating the flat" Hans answered while grabbing another fairy light.  
"Yeah I can see that. But it's still six weeks till christmas"  
"You can never start decorating too early my little butterfly. While you're here could you hand me that ornament over there?"  
"I didn't thought that you would be much of a christmas person" Matteo handed him what he asked for.  
"Well you also didn't think that I would pray on easter"  
"Touché. You never told me why" Matteo asked curiously.  
"Why what?"  
"Why you pray. Why you celebrate christmas and easter even though they are so different to everything else you do."  
"Well maybe that's the point. I like these traditions and I like that they are so different from everything else I do during the year. You know, only because these traditions come from the church and celebrate the perfect picture of a heteronormative family, it doesn't mean that we have to condone them. Sure there are a lot of things I don't like about christmas. For example the part where I have to be Hetero-Hans with my parents. But that doesn't mean that I have to hate the whole thing in general. And all these little things, all the new traditions in our flat, they make the hard parts so much more better. Don't you think?"  
Matteo nodded "Yeah they do."  
It still amazed Matteo how much wisdom Hans sometimes spread. Even though he was one of the most lively people he ever met, Hans was also one of the most educated people he ever met. Deep down he really thought of Hans as his guru or maybe even as if he was his older brother. Not that he would ever admit that to Hans. Matteo would never hear the end of it. And he was pretty sure that Hans already knew that anyway.  
"By the way, we are having our traditional christmas party in two weeks. Be sure to invite everyone!" With these words Hans left Matteo alone in the kitchen.

Hans words echoed in Matteo's head for a long time. He found himself thinking more and more about what the other said. When Matteo was still in the closet one of his biggest fears of coming out to his mom was how she would react as she is a deeply religious person. Matteo is not stupid. He knows the attitude the church in general has against members of the LGBT community. It made him fear her rejection so much that he rather surpressed his thoughts and feelings for years instead of dealing with them. It made him fear that he would never be accepted for who he truly is. Sometimes it even made him disgusted by himself. That was before he met David, who would look at him like he hung the moon and was the most important person in the world. Who would make him feel like he was worth something. Not only something but like he was worth everything.  
All of this pretty much overwhelmed him at the start. And he would probably never fully get used to the way he feels around David. Even if it was way over 6 month now he still couldn't believe his luck. But once he accepted his sexuality he always thought since the church would never accept him, it would be easier to cut strings with all that came from it.  
Matteo was surprised how easily his mom accepted him for who he really is. Jonas told him that this is what parents do but Matteo knows that this is not true. David's parents didn't accept him. Even though they rarely talk about this, he knows how badly it hurt David when his parents suggested that it would be better if he not longer lived with them. At least as long as this "rebellious phase" would go on. So Matteo knows that parental acceptance is nothing you can be sure of.

After a couple of days David noticed that his boyfriend was much more thoughtful than usual. He brought it up one day when they were both sitting on Matteo's bed.  
"What is bothering you?"  
"Nothing really" Matteo wasn't sure how to word his thoughts without making a complete fool of himself. It wasn't easy for him to talk about his past and the fears that came from it.  
"If you say so" David responded and a hint of hurt was in his voice. Matteo immediately felt guilty. He wasn't talking to any of their friends, this was David his amazing boyfriend. They always talked about everything no matter how embarrassing or how emotional. They never hid anything from the other.  
"Well I had a conversation with Hans a couple of days ago. He told me some stuff that made me think and I guess I am still processing all of that."  
"What did you talk about?" David asked curiously. "I mean you don't have to tell me if you don't want to...". He looked down.  
"Hey", Matteo reached it for his hands "I always want to tell you everything. It's just not always easy for me. I am not good with words and sometimes it takes me a while to find the right ones."  
Matteo took a deep breath and David smiled at him. He knew that David would wait for him to find the words he wants to say. That he would listen without interrupting him and that he cared for whatever Matteo had to say. It made him feel safe.  
  
"As a kid I loved christmas. It probably even was my favorite season of the year."  
He paused unsure how to continue.  
David led out a small laugh "Funny I always thought that your favorite season was Halloween."  
"Well that was the cooler thing to say but deep down I loved christmas. I loved all these traditions, the family time and everything else that came with it. But when everything went to shit at home, well christmas became kind of shit as well... And when I came to terms with the fact that I am gay I thought since the church would never accept me it would be easier to let go of all their traditions. But with christmas coming closer and the relationship with my mom getting better again, well I realized that I kind of miss what we had? Or at least parts of it? I don't know it's really hard to explain. But Hans told me that it is totally fine and that all the new flat-traditions make christmas so much better for him."  
"I get that. I always loved christmas as well. My parents never did much for it but still it was a time when they were both at home and spend time with us. Family time was always rare with them. Sometimes I wonder why they even got children." David usually didn't talk much about his childhood or parents. The more Matteo was surprised how much he revealed now. It must be very hard for him to talk about this.  
"Even if we didn't had much traditions I could miss, the first christmas one alone with Laura was hard. But we still made the best of it."  
"What did you do?" Matteo asked.  
"Not much. We basically watched cheesy christmas movies all day and in the evening Laura made a really nice meal. For that christmas I made her the picture that she hung above the couch in the living room."  
Matteo had admired that picture a lot when he stayed over. It always felt very powerful and even though it was mostly painted in dark colours it didn't feel sad. Matteo never understood it fully until now.   
"The picture is about the two of you beeing strong together" Matteo realised.  
"Yeah how did you...?", David had a really surprised look on his face.  
"I might not know a lot about art but I know you" Matteo stated before giving his boyfriend a soft kiss.  
"However the next day we went to Fürstenberg and spend the rest of the holidays with my godmother. It was different from every christmas we ever had before but it was good." David continued smiling.  
"But didn't you miss _your_ christmas traditions? Even if they weren't much, it's with what you grew up with." Matteo wondered.  
"At first yes but then I really started to love it. It only included the people and the stuff I liked and I didn't had to pretend to be somebody I wasn't. So in some way it was really relieving."  
Matteo nodded slowly, trying to understand. Even though he loved christmas there were always some parts about it where he felt like he couldn't be himself. Especially in the recent years when he realized that he might be different than what everyone expected from him. Maybe he was holding on these traditions for the wrong reasons.  
"And some of the these things became our new traditions. Like for example now we visit Fürstenberg at least once over the holidays and always watch the most cheesiest movies on Christmas Eve. Honestly now I like it even more than what we had with my parents."  
"Do you think..." Matteo suddenly stopped unsure how to continue the sentence.  
"Do I think what?"  
"Well I think I would like some new traditions as well. Christmas will never be like it was when I was a child. That's just what it is."  
David nodded understandingly "But it is still ok to miss it. Just because I prefer my new traditions doesn't mean that you need to find new ones as well."  
"Yeah I know. But I guess that I just miss them because back then my family wasn't completely shit. But reviving these traditions will not fix that."  
"Unfortunately not. I really wish that it would though." How did Matteo deserve such a perfect boyfriend? How was he even real?  
"What did you want me to ask?" David asked curiously.  
Matteo blushed. "Well I was thinking that I never watched a cheesy christmas movie before. Do you think that I could maybe join you for that?" He barely whispered these last words.  
David still understood every word. Instead of answering he tackled Matteo in a deep kiss.  
"I would love that." He answered after breaking the kiss.  
"Don't you think that it's like too early or something? I mean we haven't even been together for a whole year and it's our first Christmas as a couple. And shouldn't you ask Laura first? I mean what if she doesn't want me there. That would be totally fine..." Matteo started rambling. He was again silenced by an all consuming kiss.  
"Stop it. I would love to have you there. And you know that Laura loves you too. To be honest it can sometimes be a bit boring with just the two of us. So please come."  
Matteo didn't need any more convincing and for the first time in a long while he was actually excited for christmas.

Before the christmas party Matteo helped Hans to decorate the whole flat even more festive. On the day itself David and him made some christmas cookies. He didn't ask his mom for their old recipe but instead they tried a new one. It turned out to be delicious. But Matteo could also be very biased because David had fed him most of the cookies while kissing him in between. How could they not be the best cookies he ever had?  
Later when all of their friends came together in the living room, drinking Glühwein and eating cookies while loudly singing some christmas songs and dancing to them he felt very happy. There he was surrounded by all his favourite people, who would always support him no matter what. And he realised that Hans and David had been completely right. He didn't need the traditions he had as a child. He didn't even needed his parents. He only needed his new found family with all their craziness and their new traditions. With these two things combined, christmas had the potential to become his favorite holiday again.  
**The End**


End file.
